So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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