she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
