I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
