I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
