well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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