why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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