My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
