your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
