You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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