I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
