i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
