I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
