At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
