I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
