Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
