pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
