He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
