I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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