i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize