You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
