Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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