life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
