Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
