I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
