i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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