I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
