we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize