I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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