so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
