and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
