Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
