??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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