We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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