it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
