i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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