Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
