i think my mom watched the whole time
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
