she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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