the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
