well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
