I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
