Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
