You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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