It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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