Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize