My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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