I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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