I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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