Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
