I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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