Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
