from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
