Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
