And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
