aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
