my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
