I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
