I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
