Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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