His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
