As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
