Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
