did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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