a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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