If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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